When I started training for roller derby, I had an idea in my head of what I wanted to get out of it – it was for fitness, it was to be social, it was for fun. I’d be stronger, more coordinated. I’d be able to do cool stuff on skates. Derby though – in that delightful derby way – is full of surprises. Here’s my top five unexpected benefits of roller derby…

1. I don’t need to touch door handles
Because I can just hip check every door and drawer closed. Keeps my mitts germ free and all.

2. Lulls in conversation do not exist
You know why? Because I’m talking about derby. Why can’t I do that thing I’m trying? What wheels should I get? Who’s going to training? Who’s not going to training? Did you see that awesome thing that worked? Where did you buy your sparkly shorts? Or, with non-derby people, “Oh, you haven’t watched derby? No, there isn’t a ball. Let me explain…” Awkward silences? A thing of the past.

Photo by Erin Green. Note my lack of sparkly shorts.

3. Body confidence
Never did I ever think I would be ok rocking up to the pub in fishnets and booty shorts. Because of, you know,  flaws and because if I am basically not wearing pants, I’m notoriously, you know, self conscious. But I am totally ok with it. I think I rock them pretty damn well, actually. The thing I love about derby is that there is no perfect size or shape. There is no ideal derby body. Any body is a good body for derby. I’ve never felt more at home in mine.

4. Answers to questions
I hate to be put on the spot with questions like ‘what would you like for your birthday?’ and ‘is there anything you need?’, but derby gives me ready-made answers in times of need. I’d like new elbow pads. I need new wheels. New knee socks. Those cute sparkly shorts with my name on them. A gift voucher for a skate shop. That would be really handy, thanks for asking! (See also: ‘what are you doing on the weekend?’. Derby, duh.)

5. Ability to negotiate terrible amenities at music festivals
I’m never more grateful for derby stance than when I need to pee in a port-a-loo. True story.

‘Til next time,