In case you missed it (where are you? is it warm? can I visit?), South Australia was hit by massive storms this week which, on Wednesday, saw the entire state without power. It basically looked something like this:

Kidding. From where I was sitting it actually looked like this:

Now – I’m not one to be dramatic*, but sheltered in a pub, two wines in, it certainly seemed that amid the torrential rain, wide spread loss of power, and general ominous atmosphere there were certainly shades of the apocalypse about the place. There would be zombies before we knew it.

Did a statewide blackout really signal the onset of the apocalypse? It did not. But it might have, right? Surely that will be Step One when old mate Armageddon rolls into town? So let us prepare. Here are some things that the blackout taught me about the impending end of days:

1. I am woefully unprepared. Torch? No. Batteries? Negative. Important phone numbers? Yeah, in my dying phone. The news keeps telling people in affected areas to enact their flood plans. Is that something I am supposed to have? I don’t. I don’t even have a waterproof jacket.
2. What I do have, though, is about 1,000 Ikea tealights, which were finally, finally useful.
3. Reading by candlelight hurts your eyes.
4. The whole thing was dead boring. What was left to do? Go to bed? I am going to be so well rested in our post-apocalyptic future if there is nothing to do come 8pm.
5. There is a facility to mark yourself ‘safe’ from flooding on facebook. As far as I can tell marking yourself ‘unsafe’ does not signal for help.

In a nutshell: pack a brolly, enact your flood plans.

Stay safe,

*Okay, fine. Yes, I am.