A lot has been written about goal setting specific to roller derby. A few years ago, my team mate and derby idol St Eve (aka Eve Inbetta) wrote a  great post that I found incredibly helpful on how to set meaningful derby goals – you can read it here. But while much gets said about how to set goals and why having them is a good idea, not much gets said about what to do when you follow all the steps, do all the right things, and still fall short of your goals. Mental game training is all about resilience, but when things just don’t work, repeatedly, despite your very best efforts, it can seriously dent your confidence. It certainly did mine.

Photo by EK Photography

I’m not a natural athlete by any definition. And while derby was once lauded as a sport for non-athletes, the way the game is played today is far more suited to those with a natural sporty edge. I take derby seriously, I try to set realistic goals, I work hard on fixing my mental game and improving my weaker skills. But ultimately I ended up taking a very long break this year because not a single one of my goals for the first half of 2016 came to fruition and, I’m not gonna lie, it hurt. A lot. It’s not like I was just casually plodding along, hoping for the best.

I tried HARD and I failed.

I have thought long and hard about why this was and what it meant, and why I felt so humiliated. I’ve been skating with my league for 3+ years. Had I set unrealistic goals? I didn’t think so. Am I just a bad skater? I’m not great but I’m not awful, surely? It’s easy to say don’t compare yourself to others, but when people take to something you struggle with like ducks to water, it’s hard not to wonder what secret they have that you’re missing out on. I did my best, what more could I do? I’ve pondered a lot during my break whether there is even a place for me in derby if I can be around for this long and still not achieve some seemingly very achievable things.

Why don’t you work?

There’s a great saying about falling down nine times and getting up ten, but let me tell you how exhausting that can be. As an over-thinker, over-analyser, and my biggest critic, soldiering on was only serving to dig my hole deeper. I was too close, too critical, too sore. It’s no surprise to me that eventually I had to run away to lick my wounds. This mental game business is hard work, and while goals are important and there are ways to set good ones that put you on the right track, success is never a given. It’s a sucky truth that sometimes things just don’t work out.

Taking a break has not been easy. As much as I needed to clear away some thoughts and set my derby brain in order, the trade-off has been feelings of displacement and serious FOMO. Still, taking a break was the right thing for me and if it has taught me one thing it’s that I’m not ready to give it all away. I hope I can find my place again soon.

So how do you build yourself up when you fall short? Shit dude, you’re asking the wrong girl because I have no idea. But when I head back to training in November, I’m going to start by trying a few of these and seeing how it goes:

• Focus on more process goals and fewer outcome goals
• Take a step back; don’t over analyse
• Ask for feedback; ask for help
• Celebrate small wins
• Be kind to yourself

If you have any advice, I’d be keen to hear it.

‘Til next time,