CREATURE FEATURE SUNDAY: 50 Thoughts While Watching Tyrannosaurus Wrecks (2006)

Look, when you’re practising social distancing and feeling all the feelings because of COVID-19 and trying not to think about what it means for your job, your friends, your family, your health, and cursing those wankers who spent the day on Bondi Beach yesterday, what you really need is an escaped dinosaur rampaging through the modern age. It’s science, ok?

Seriously though, I hope you’re all managing to keep safe and sane in this crazy new reality. Please make sure you’re taking time to look after your mental as well as physical health, doing virtual check-ins with friends, and catching up on all the binge watching your heart desires (for me: The X-Files and The Office).

Now. Today seemed an excellent time to bring back #creaturefeaturesunday and without further ado I give you 50 thoughts while watching Tyrannosaurus Wrecks (aka The Eden Formula)…

Wowsers, the opening credits are ultra low budget, complete with swooshing sounds for each name that appears on screen. *swoosh!*
“Smith Laboratories?” “No, Smith and Wesson”, pew pew. Holy shit, this is amazing. I love it already,.
Hey, it’s that guy from things!
Candyman? Was he the Candyman? (Later: Google confirms he, being Tony Todd, is from many great films including a turn as the hook-handed Candyman in 1992’s Candyman).
You know, this guy.
Oh, the scientists have done the bad thing, you guys.
If you’re not wearing a beret or sunglasses to your heist are you even part of a heist?
Person 1: “Silent but deadly.” Person 2: “Like a fart in church.” #writing
Hahaha oh my god, this is terrible.
Scientists have cloned a dinosaur because anything less dangerous wouldn’t be ‘sexy enough’ for investors.
How do you like me now?
But like, it’s 2006. Haven’t you watched at least three Jurassic Park movies to know this is a horrible idea?
T-wrecks trying to headbutt its way out of the facility is SFX gold.
“Phase two: rock and roll” is the title of my autobiography.
Meanwhile, T-wrecks is still headbutting the wall.
Giant dino poop. High brow.
“I’m gonna need a bigger bucket”
Hahaha oh my god, the death effects are brilliant.
Cop with a hunch! Yes! Every movie needs one.
The fight scenes are like … Year 10 drama class bad.
T-wrecks is a terrible dino puppet, by the way. I love him!

His little arms! I die!
The effects are INCREDIBLE.
Oh, and there is a huge bomb for some reason.
These generic heist characters are hilarious.
The cop has kids! As well as a hunch! It’s tough to be a hero!
Oh no, it’s the food buzzer!
“Holy crap cakes”?! Why I have I not been saying this for years?
Wait, they killed the cop?! I did not see that coming.
#acting
2006. Just going to remind you all this was made in 2006.
I’m 42 minutes into a 78 minute movie and even I’m not sure if I’ll make it.
My friends choreographed better fight scenes than this for their student movies at uni.
Omg though, the movie within a movie is solid freakin’ gold. Can I watch that instead?
They really worked hard for that “it’s sore, not dinosaur” bit. And I’m here for it!
I actually can’t even remember what the actual plot is.
Right, right. The formula.
Person 1: “You never had a girlfriend, did you?” Person 2: “I’m gay.” WHAT IS HAPPENING?
Honestly, where is the science lady driving??
Weird time to add in some ex-military backstory, but ok.
I still don’t care.
Oh yeah, there’s still a bomb.
Who is the hero in this movie now the cop-with-a-hunch is dead? Who am I rooting for?
Maybe the T-wrecks?
Hello? Is it me you’re looking for?
Are they trying to make it the Science Guy? But it’s all his fault!
This.
Oh BOOM, Security Guy is a turncoat!
Or is the Science Lady now the hero? Honestly this makes no sense.
WHO IS THE PROTAGONIST HERE?
Omg, the blood effects are amazing though.
Oh, so the whole effects budget went on that one explosion. Ok.
Hahaha the boom boxes, what the heck.
Climactic action scene is beyond ridiculous.
What did I just watch? Please send help.